it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
