So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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