i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We got so high we made milksteak
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
