her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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