you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
