Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
