I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
