Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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