If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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