the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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