Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
