Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
