Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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