note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
