My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
