I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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