Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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