I think I died a long time ago.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
