I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
