I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
