Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
