He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
