My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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