I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
