Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
