So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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