I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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