it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
