my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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