if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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