maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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