I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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