i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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