Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
