I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
