I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
