Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
