Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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