apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
