I hate your face
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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