forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
