Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
