I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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