I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
