at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's shark week go big or go home
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
