I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
