In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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