So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
