dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
