i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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