The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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