I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
