i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
