Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
