You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
