so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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